“There isn’t going to be any turning point. There isn’t going to be any next-month-it’ll-be-better, next fucking year, next fucking life. You don’t have any time to wait for. You just got to look around you and say, ‘So this is it. This is really all there is to it. This little thing.’ Everybody needing such little things and they can’t get them. Everybody needing just a little…confidence from somebody else and they can’t get it. Everybody, everybody fighting to protect their little feelings. Everybody, you know, like reaching out tentatively but drawing back. It’s so shallow and seems so…fucking…it seems like such a shame. It’s so close to being like really right and good and open and amorphous and giving and everything. But it’s not. And it ain’t gonna be.”
Janis Joplin-teacher
Hello Stegiel,
I can imagine how tough things must be for you now. The enamored white knight in me once asked a troubled young lady to marry me, if nothing else so that my health insurance could prevent her bankruptcy. She refused, saying "It is too soon." 6 months later, she had died due to long term complications of severe anorexia. That was some time ago, and never having popped that question before or since, I am now about to turn 68.
It has been 9 years since having left a 'tenured' position under protest, forced to live off the remnants of Japan's meager public welfare, part-time classes, and the good will of Japanese friends ... though forever, a stranger in a strange land, and no hope or expectations my personal circumstances will improve.
One of my few sources of solace, is that regardless of language, genre, or domain, occasionally ... only occasionally ... a bit of light peaks through. Hoping you see and hear what I see and hear in this ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKUmbvCO3m8
Now, before my own approaching grave, back to the fight.
Fight on brother.
For the sake of those who can't.
Fight on.
steve
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29mX3vxI6bM.