Kaputt

A philosophical musing of a voyager in Amerika

There is the world before Covid insanity from above and the embrace by many millions of the Lie and the world that comes after the Lie. I, personally could not grasp why so many otherwise quite intelligent souls embraced the Lie and the Cure. Truth is as a social drop out since high school I tried my best to be a non-conformist, going my own way, zig zagging in and out of grim poverty, but not too dismayed by being broke, minimum wage worked okay if necessary, unemployment all too frequent, but I had a little world with a few friends and a few lovers who accepted my path -think here of Fellini and running away to become an artiste - and so I strode on in San Francisco as job after job went under and my resume was spat on. To put this succinctly I did need income to survive but did not need income to impress. I did my own thing, beat myself up pretty bad from time to time thinking I was a failure for not being a conformist as were all too many people I knew who made bank and appeared to me no duller than I but much better paid for working. When Covid hit my job had gone underwater and sank 6 months before. No one wanted a 63 year old with my rather unimpressive “track record” and I did temp work when possible to bring in money and my wife worked as a substitute teacher out of town in Marin county for extra money. I would take the bus with her to work and take the bus home after work and I raged that I was unhireable. As she worked I wandered around Mill Valley or San Rafael or Sausalito with spare change and I wondered what mistakes doomed me and us to penury and no answer save blaming myself arose. Alas I thought, by not conforming and obeying and seeking nothing more than a gig that harmed none and enabled us to live I had doomed us to catastrophe.

Then came Covid.

I did not believe. The homeless were not dying. No one was dying. Not even the Chinese flying in or in densely packed Chinatown. No one was sick. And we were locked down. My profile picture is taken roughly 4 months prior to lock down, in the Inner Sunset near Golden Gate Park as we strolled Clement street and I was greatly amused by the window.

Freedom was all that I had before Covid but I loved it more than money. Many friends may not have loved money, though some made quite a bit, but freedom no, no this they did not love. And so one by one they injected giving various reasons. My close friend from my bookstore years and former roomate in Sacramento injected as did his wife and mother and father. He said he injected because of Lockdown. He did not want this to return. Now his wife had cancer return and his mother developed Pancreatic cancer. Is the injection to blame? I think yes, but I do not bring it up. A friend in New York injected because he knew a man who died from Covid. Others injected because the job asked them. And others did so because they trusted the doctor.

In 2023 I am less rich than a fish and my wife is over 80 but neither of us injected. We have a little life and fewer friends today for a variety of reasons, poverty doubtlessly is one, but also I think non conformity is another reason. Social life has drastically altered. Until really this year injections were required to eat out or attend religious services or go to a job or movie or socialize in a gym. San Francisco has become a ghost town. The FiDi has become literally a shit hole as office towers are empty. Feces on the street is common. Ironic indeed that the Tenderloin is less crap filled than the abandoned Financial District. My zip code lost about 8,000 people who left or died-no one keeps track of deaths from injection after all.

And after Covid I sit and think. Did non- conformity protect me? Did my refusals from 1971 when I practically dropped out of a high school I hated up to 2020 enable me to see through the lie? Are all my failures in the life of worldlings, no car, no concern about traveling to exotic places, no friends I had to impress, no friends who cared to badger me to conform, no job demanding I jab, no interest really in belonging save me?

I like to think so. And now I watch and wonder and ponder what comes next in this Opera. Will the nation survive two more years and if so, what nation will this be? Will this country recover from self inflicted wounds? Injections continue. People proudly mask outside. People mask in their cars. Medical staff fully vaccinated are required to mask and many store clerks do also. Only this afternoon I saw a man my age walk on my street with a filtered dual mask. Online, doctors insist on the Covid impossibility being real and state their cures for both symptoms and for vaccines, but never admit that virology is fraud and snake oil is their cure.

A mind virus called fear grips bright people. And I a dullard am not afraid.

Concerned yes. Tyranny is here and no one fights for freedom en masse, only individually. Americans are conditioned I believe to expect a Savior politician, a Savior doctor, someone to guide them like a Father or Mother and consequently forget God left it up to them.

https://ko-fi.com/thejournaloflingeringsanity